The Special One Shunned and Stunned at Fortress Upton

Poor Jose. It started with the mascot mugging him off before match kick off and continued with a 2-1 mauling.

After ten games there's hardly any bullies left standing in the Premiership playground.

Undoubtedly Slaven has Man U next in his big game soccer safari hunt!

ZARATEeeeeeeeeeeeehhhhh!!!

Its a cracking game at Upton Park where Bilic's boys are at it again having out manoevred the Special One inyo a one nil lead thanks to a stunning strike from Mauro Zarate.

The ref has just sent off Matic for a second yellow as things are getting better and better for the Cockney boys.

Oh yeah!!!

If the phone don't ring, you'll know its me!

Its all love before the war as Slaven Bilic and Jose Mourinho have been sending eachother love messages all week.

Bilic has come out as a big fan of the special one, while Jose has issued a 'come and get me big boy' challenge by suggesting that he believes that they could be "good friends"!

All of which is very well but with their club allegiances any coming together would surely be of Montague and Capulet proportions.

With Hammers fans having discovered the power of country music using the Billy Ray Cyrus 'classic' Achy Breaky Heart as the backdrop for the new Dimitri Payet tribute song, VERYWESTHAM has compiled a handy list of othr country  classics that fans might consider using for future songs...

Enjoy sensibly!

Get Your Tongue Outta My Mouth 'Cause I'm Kissing You Goodbye (Stewart Downing)

How Can I Miss You If You Won't Go Away? (Modi Maiga)

I Flushed You From The Toilets Of My Heart. (Morgan Amalfitano)

I Wouldn't Take Her To A Dawg Fight, Cause I'm Afraid She'd Win (err....upstairs perhaps)

I'd Rather Have A Bottle In Front Of Me Than A Frontal Lobotomy (the indecipherable talent that is Ravel Morrison)

Mama Get The Hammer (There's A Fly On Papa's Head)(Allardici)

My Head Hurts, My Feet Stink, And I Don't Love Jesus (any of the team after the Bournemouth game)

My Wife Ran Off With My Best Friend, And I Sure Do Miss Him (hopefully to never apply to our new genius, Mr Payet)

Pardon Me, I've Got Someone To Kill (Julian Dicks)

She Got The Gold Mine And I Got The Shaft (Arsene Wenger on the Jenks loan)

Thank God And Greyhound (S)he's Gone (Kevin Nolan)

They May Put Me In Prison, But They Can't Stop My Face From Breakin' Out (Our buoyant development squaddies)

I'm So Miserable Without You It's Like Having You Here (amazingly, no appropriate use just now!)

Ever Since I Said "I Do," There's a Lot of Things You Don't (Andy Carroll)

High Jinks Jenks to Silence the Comedy

Its been a truly exciting season so far at West ham with a series of contrarian results, where the Hammers have beaten the big boys while often stuttering against the lower clubs.

Perhaps no single player has captured this inconsistency as much as Carl Jenkinson. Having returned from parent club Arsenal for a second on-loan season, Jenks has produced some stunningly good (e.g. Crystal Palace) alongside some astoundingly dreadful (err Bournemouth) performances.

The Jekyll and Hyde nature of his season was well in evidence against Palace where he scored a super goal marauding from right back and then gave away a foolish penalty only 90 seconds later!

Moreover, Jenks had a veritable nightmare against Bournemouth that ended in a red card but in most matches has been solid at the back while offering plenty pushing forward.

And against Leicester he demonstrated his versatility by even  doing a stint in goals after Adrian was dismissed.

All of this makes for fun and games for Hammers fans, but Jenks will be hoping to iron out the craziness if he is to realise his international aspirations.

Today's clash with Chelsea can provide an excellent opportunity to show his ability to manage top class opposition, especially if the Special One opts to use the offensive talent of Eddie Izzard. Jenks will look to stifle any fun and games from the back in form winger while creating a few problems for Chelsea down their left flank.

Either way, Jenks has become a fans favourite and with all the high jinks he has truly embraced the true West Ham way!

Hammers to storm the Palace!

Libertie, Equalitie et ....oops!

It's 4th versus 6th as the two biggest surprise packages of the season go head to head ar Selhurst Park today. Undoubtedly, all eyes will be focused upon the midfield battle between the French generals, Dimitri Payet and Yohan Cabaye.

The French talents have impressed to the point of heralding a revolution at both clubs as the usual Premiership hegemony has been pushed aside.

The match also provides an excellent opportunity to gauge the relative tactical merits of two impressive managers. Alain de Pardew has assembled a powerful squad that combines defensive height and organisation with pacey wide attacking play - and with Cabaye conducting matters from deep. Bilic meanwhile, has proven a deadly adversary on the road where the Hammers counterattacking has put a host of upper crust teams to the sword.

The key issue will be how the Hammers set themselves up to quell the pace of Palace down the flanks. They also need to be focused to avoid some of the careless goal concessions that have stunted their home form.

Kouyate will hope to cramp Cabaye's style, while Jenks and Cressy will need to play to their potential. Up front, the Hammers options are gradually returning with Andy Carroll likely to enter the battle during the last quarter.

RORY NOSTRADAMUS predicts another Hammers away win based primarily on the fact that the Eagles are currently occupying a Champons League spot and are therefore set up to be beheaded by Bilic's giantkillers.

After the French extravaganza at Selhurst Park, Les Bleus will keep up the action in a mouthwatering clash with the All blacks this evening.

Allez Les (Claret et) Bleus!!!

Hammers Starlet Preparing to Step Up to the Big Time

Hot on the back of Darren Randolph's performance in goal during Ireland's midweek demolition of World Champions Germany, young Josh Cullen starred for the U21 side in a 3-0 thumping of Lithuania last night.

Cullen put in a commanding performance in midfield that won him the man of the match award. Having recently broken into the first team at Upton Park making a series of Europa League appearances before his Premiership debut in the 3-0 victory over Liverpool, its clear that his star is on the rise.

All of which is great news for club and country. With only modest creative resources available to him, gaffer Martin O'Neill will be watching with interest. Although Ireland missed out on Aston Villa's Jack Grealish, Cullen offers an equally exciting prospect and although Southend born, has no hesitation in recognising his Leitrim roots.

He may be an outside bet for the upcoming Euro Championships, especially if he continues on his current trajectory!

Long and Randy Night in Dublin

Baitin the Germans...Sure that's mad Ted!

Hammers back up netminder Darren Randolph had a night to remember at Dublin's Aviva Stadium last night as the Republic of Ireland overcame World champions West Germany.

Randolph came on as a second half substitute for the injured Shay Given and was quickly in the action pulling off a string of dramatic saves. Clearly buoyed by his recent excellent performances in the Premiership for West ham, Randolph lapped up the atmosphere urging on his under fire defence.

And in the 70th minute even better was to come when his long kick out found striker Shane Long who used his pace and power to break through the German defence and rifled the ball home. The stadium went bangers, Irish style.

After a full five minutes of celebrations the Germans restarted proceedings and immediately set siege to the Irish goal. However, Martin O'Neill's men could sense history in the making and Randolph was in no mood for being breached, looking big and strong through a series of German efforts.

Four minutes of injury time...

Yes!!!!!

Ireland now travel to Poland seeking a win to seize automatic qualification with a play off place now guaranteed. With Given stretchered off Randolph will surely start. Let's hope he can keep another clean sheet and add to his goal assists tally!

Top text in the long night of the text was the Fentonesque offering "FILTHY" from HOC straight after Shane Long's goal. The result will serve as a useful reminder to HOC and the rest of the Irish Liverpool followers that the Germans don't always win!

HOC on International duty...

However, it was a bad night for Tipperary man  JB who will need to up his game if he is to keep Long behind him in second place in the Tipperary Soccer legend rankings.

Lawro gets his claws into the Hammers

Put em up!

BBC pundit Mark Lawrenson has again provoked the ire of many Hammers fans with comments ahead of Today's Premiership clash away to bottom of the table AFC Slumberland.

In a move surely designed to raise eyebrows, Lawro has predicted a win for the Black Cats to end the Hammers three in a row away winning sequence while halting a three in a row defeat rating for Advocaats troubled side.

These are the kind of psychological tactics used by Lawrenson's Liverpool during their glory days a few decades ago, but as West Ham's recent 3-0 Anfield humbling of the once great Reds demonstrates, other sides have wised up the fact that its not so hard to turn the Scouse support against their 'heroes' these days.

Meanwhile, word is that this will be Advocaat's final game in charge as bottom of the table Sunderland have looked well short of the Premiership mark this year. With Winston Reid reportedly recovered from a midweek training knock, West ham can continue with their best XI today.

However, what's the odds that Jermain Defoe doesn't score against his former employees as the Hammers seem capable of all kinds of inconsistency in terms of expected results this season!

We reckon 2-1 to the Hammers.